jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
