why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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