i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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