You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
