Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
