Christians are straight up FREAKS
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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