Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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