so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize