Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
