it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
