Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
