if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
