DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
