He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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