I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
