I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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