So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
