If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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