I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
