I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
