I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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