so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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