Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
