You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
