I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
