My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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