I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
