That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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