i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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