were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
