I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
