We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
