i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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