hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
