apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
