Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
