dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
