Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
