so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
