some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
