went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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