His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
