Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
