You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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