Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
