I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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