There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
