he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize