Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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