They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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