We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's blow job season.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
