I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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