Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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