its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
