I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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