My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
