Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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