it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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