Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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