Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
