I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
