I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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