Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
