I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
