All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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