I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
