Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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