Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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