You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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